We’ve got big, ultra-serious news out of College Park.
Testudo, the maybe-clothed, maybe-naked-but-for-the-shell mascot for the University of Maryland’s athletic teams, is running for president. Maryland’s athletic department, keenly aware of public perceptions of Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, has seen an opening and leapt to fill it with the school’s shelled mascot.
They’ve got buttons, bumper stickers and all that stuff.
"Fear the Turtle 2016" is your slogan. It's hard to see Testudo making a significant dent in the polls, because he is a fictitious turtle and has lagged in fundraising for years. But he sounds determined.
"I've made it my life's mission to bring you only the best of luck (Thanks nose!) and I will continue to do so as your President. As a proud Terp, I'm asking for your support as I begin my slow and steady race to the White House. There truly is no better year than 2016 to Fear The Turtle!"
Anyhow, this is a merchandising drive for Maryland, pegged to the 2016 election cycle.
You can pay $20.16 (get it?) for something called a "pledge pack."
Testudo Times, despite an obvious affection for its own namesake, makes no endorsement in this race and has no opinion or advice regarding the worthwhileness of spending $20 (and 16 cents!) on these items.
(To be honest, I probably would not buy something called a "pledge pack," because that sounds like a fraternity hazing item. But I'm just one guy.)
We do think, however, that this is a good time to publicly pose an important question we’ve argued about for years:
In his regular ensemble, is Testudo naked, or is he wearing clothes?
You can vote on this crucial question below.